Moving Forward

Doom's day has ended and took me a month to secure the answer to such exam that brought my knees to crumble



Yet I failed...

Yes I failed the NCLEX... The words 'we regret to inform you' keeps ticking on my head for like the nth time already since yesterday

The mail came around lunch time and I was supposed to be somewhere. Both excitement and nervousness filled my body while ripping out the top layer. To my surprise, I didn't make it. Funny because somewhere inside said that it was to be expected. It's like I knew my performance very well since that day, it wasn't a joke. So yes, it took me like minutes for the tears to flow. Then it started... the feelings of all negativity that I felt when I took that exam came rushing in. Weird my brother was the first person I contacted... hahahha and yeah he said something about stuff like moving forward.

Just keeping your feet moving forward [image source]

It's true you have to move forward, it's not the end of the world plus I can and I will take the exam again even if I have to pay for it for myself. The payment part, I think that won't be a problem too. My mother called and yes her voiced was calm at first. Shocked at first but I know my mother very well. Her anger tone will eventually come and it did.

I admit I lack on things... maybe I was too relax or that since I can be the master of my own review time I ended up doing more unnecessary things. Yes I did study, learn, concentrate and focus but the I underestimated the time, prayers and anxiety of passing the exam. I was so used to the strategy I have when I was still a student. It's first time actually failing something on a major exam. It was the first time that my style failed and it hurt my ego a lot.

So the remaining time I did yesterday was normal. After feeling the crapness out, I just went outside and did my networking stuff. It was a killer! I just keep thinking on my mind, nothing is impossible and that there's something else being directed to me. I don't know if it was fate but by far chance this have given me the opportunity to realize something.

Really I was feeling not down but ok. I was in the middle of ok and not good but it moved further to better. Only few friends knows about this and maybe if you're reading this then you have the idea. The driving force inside me saying that there are so many possibilities of making it outside the country. Further as the day turned dark, I was back to my old self again. Yes there were messages about self pity, thank you for those stuff but my positive thinking help me moved on! I mean look at me now, still busy with the online networking I joined which is really cool by the way.

Imagine the reason I started doing blogging again because I was so filled with crap, but along came this one and boom! I wasn't feeling that down and yes I wasn't that person who submerged herself with alcohol. Of course it is an eye opener but the possibilities for me to ways on still going and working abroad are still not limited.

I can't imagine why my mother is such a pessimistic person while my father is the opposite. Good thing I have a mind set like my fathers... I mean it pays, and yes this is just a temporary detour then. Plus she told me bout something earlier that the state boards of nursing are having a hard time on non American citizen to work there. Her friend's daughter is having a hard time which has a working visa holder working in a state, she hasn't turned to immigrant yet so the hospital issues her to transfer. Her agency plans to transfer her to Qatar. Makes sense right? So might as well go to another country that doesn't need the NCLEX...

I just need to reset my goals and I am going go!