To be honest I am a cry baby
If you ask any of my high school classmates, they would say yes with a nod in the head. Years back I tend to have uncontrolled lacrimal glands that an unpleasant feelings get me to tears. Unpleasant like pressure from school and some fuck up kids who are a pain in the ass. I consider myself I was bullied but that word is too strong to use. More like I was usually being the center of getting pick on coz I didn't fight back on words before. Hence I call my high school days as dark. It had led me to some teachings that no matter how you ask nicely to people, they will only bug you more. I can even remember one time that I had to bite my lip really hard so the tears would stop, but it didn’t and bit my lip til I tasted blood. Anyways I blame my hormones for all those days and made me swear that no matter what happen, what scenario or whoever the person I wouldn't need to shed one single tear.
Feeling relief, college was kind to me. It was a new environment. Made friends who can really relate to. My memories of it were hilarious and crazy that crying was hardly a part of it. I did cry but only for an exam or pressure from school. Except for one thing that happen in third year, but again I consider it now something as a joke. Hence the crying phase was done…
too dramatic eh? LOL [image source]
Yet tonight, I’m bored and the only thing that my mind is telling me right now is to cry. For the past few days, I've been smiling and laughing my grin for quite some time that I guess my inner being said that it’s not funny anymore. Been going out with friends, doing some catching up with old buddies, decent talks with my mom, work is doing ok yet I don’t know where the tears would come from. Horemones? Stress? Nope it’s just that my brain is telling me something that I can’t even understand. I don’t understand why but crying somehow is the answer. I dreaded sometimes this kind of feeling of uncertainty. People ask me what to do but really my answer commonly would be up to the person. Uncertainty. Or maybe there’s a force telling me something that I can’t quite figure it out also.
I tried watching comedic films or brainstorming my brain for an answers yet nothing. So I end up crying while typing this. At least I have a record of something that I am so confused about to settle an argument to myself. It sucks really, it sucks not knowing why… I guess my lacrimal glands needs to burst out some of the excess water so it can refill itself hahaha or the crybaby inside of me just like to be released once in a while. Yet I would leave this a mystery.
ahahahaha.... "crybaby" chez... hihihi ooooooiiieee... crybaby ahehehe joke..! how are you naman chez oie hehehe it's been about 4 months since we last met. :)
ReplyDeletestill alive and kicking erl... 4 months na? char didn't keep nay track pud sorry... busy from work and all
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