Cry for No Reason

To be honest I am a cry baby

If you ask any of my high school classmates, they would say yes with a nod in the head. Years back I tend to have uncontrolled lacrimal glands that an unpleasant feelings get me to tears. Unpleasant like pressure from school and some fuck up kids who are a pain in the ass. I consider myself I was bullied but that word is too strong to use. More like I was usually being the center of getting pick on coz I didn't fight back on words before. Hence I call my high school days as dark. It had led me to some teachings that no matter how you ask nicely to people, they will only bug you more. I can even remember one time that I had to bite my lip really hard so the tears would stop, but it didn’t and bit my lip til I tasted blood. Anyways I blame my hormones for all those days and made me swear that no matter what happen, what scenario or whoever the person I wouldn't need to shed one single tear.

Feeling relief, college was kind to me. It was a new environment. Made friends who can really relate to. My memories of it were hilarious and crazy that crying was hardly a part of it. I did cry but only for an exam or pressure from school. Except for one thing that happen in third year, but again I consider it now something as a joke. Hence the crying phase was done…

too dramatic eh? LOL [image source]

Yet tonight, I’m bored and the only thing that my mind is telling me right now is to cry. For the past few days, I've been smiling and laughing my grin for quite some time that I guess my inner being said that it’s not funny anymore. Been going out with friends, doing some catching up with old buddies, decent talks with my mom, work is doing ok yet I don’t know where the tears would come from. Horemones? Stress? Nope it’s just that my brain is telling me something that I can’t even understand. I don’t understand why but crying somehow is the answer. I dreaded sometimes this kind of feeling of uncertainty. People ask me what to do but really my answer commonly would be up to the person. Uncertainty. Or maybe there’s a force telling me something that I can’t quite figure it out also.

I tried watching comedic films or brainstorming my brain for an answers yet nothing. So I end up crying while typing this. At least I have a record of something that I am so confused about to settle an argument to myself. It sucks really, it sucks not knowing why… I guess my lacrimal glands needs to burst out some of the excess water so it can refill itself hahaha or the crybaby inside of me just like to be released once in a while. Yet I would leave this a mystery.

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‘tis the Season to be…?

You probably noticed that my background songs for this post are Christmas songs. I’ve been changing actually a little weeh early out of boredom. The month of all we talk about having stuff our stomachs with food and booze, singing songs until our listener’s ears bleed and exchanging gifts with those secret code names. For all we know this month would be the busiest and the fastest way to be broke.

What are your plans this December?

loving this Jack photo so much [image source]

Mine actually is somehow filled with activities. Yet two priorities set me straight this month: 1] entering two hospitals as nurses (CDUH & CHH) and 2] setting my stable downlines in my online networking.

I just had my entrance exam at the end of November at CDUH. The exam was ok except for that mind breaker set of solutions. Then again, I am still having faith that we all get to enter that institution. As for the second hospital, still I have to pass the requirements. This reminds me of how many exams I have taken in my lifetime just to enter something. Simply, life is full of exams.

I have constantly mentioned about an online networking site. Yes I was in a state on what a lousy business networking is, that’s a scam or you just fooling people by it. But then again, what I like about this one is it that it doesn’t revolve about money but how people manage to do it. It’s the first time I heard about a networking that helps people, a joined team or bayanihan. Really just check the site, not forcing you though but it somehow helped me when I was down during the exam I had. I never saw that one coming and the products mx7express have given me strength or another picture to see the world. Maybe you’re thinking that I am advertising this networking here by my flowering words, screw you. I’m sharing what I experienced. I do have a slight problem with helping my downlines but this shall pass! The system can be duplicated so easily, that’s the uniqueness to it. There are no other baloogas as well. Yes the problems I am currently facing shall pass coz everywhere you go, there is no such thing as a shortcut to success.

For other news, December has got me filled with activities like a crew on stage. We had our annual reunion in our high school. I feel like it’s not a reunion anymore since we get to have it yearly. I did impose on changing it to a get together but then again those guys just like to spend too many on such events. I personally like to do it on a beach or pool. Plus the charging for each is a little high for me, it’s not something major event since its yearly. I also hate my high school days before so I guess that settles this issue. What I love to do is to make the stage and stuff. So yeah I want to be creative for once.

For other activity, the Christmas party that will be held in our boarding house is coming up. This is what I am excited bout since it’s the first time the event is well planned. Everyone is participating actually and that I could actually meet the 30 plus people living on the same building. Imagine I am living here like almost 4 years now and I only personally know five or so people here. For the programs, me and my cousins come up with a presentation. To me the plan is great, but I don’t care if we look like goofballs too.

It will be my lola’s first death anniversary this coming December 21st. Time flies sure fast.

As for the rest of December, ‘tis the season of more food! Lechon and more lechon plus that turkey! Yey ok I’m not that psyched bout presents but the food is what I am after. Keep safe this holiday season!

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Small Pleasures

Feeling crappy upon waking up, my mind was stuck on a constant thing. stuck. I guess that word would eventually be my partner in crime for the following weeks or maybe months! The horror!

a nice hug from ipin to lambo

My fingers were my saviors for the day typing random stuff on google and yahoo. So this was the result of using your instinct for a change.

Small pleasures while not spending money! what a relief!! ^___^ (original article here) you gotta appreciate the little things which is so true; the bold ones are my usual reasons to smile

1. coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)
2. crisp cotton sheets
3. soft skin
4. old family recipes
5. the first daffodils of spring
6. sleeping in
7. an exercise endorphin high
8. window boxes
9. a perfect cup of coffee
10. a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)
11. the way babies smell
12. a handwritten letter
13. waking up in a good mood...for no real reason
14. singing in the shower
15. finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket
16. doing something nice for your neighbor
17. a home cooked meal
18. laughing
19. movie theater popcorn
20. playing hookey
21. a bubble bath
22. swimming
23. an afternoon nap
24. street musicians
25. your favorite song
26. saying thank you
27. helping someone in need
28. old fashioned photo booths
29. fresh whipped cream
30. inspiring blogs
31. a glass of wine
32. rainy afternoons
33. the funny things kids say
34. a novel you can get lost in
35. finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale
36. clean laundry
37. the wind in your hair
38. treating the person behind you at the drive-thru
39. sharing an umbrella
40. the smell of lavender
41. a long walk that clears your head
42. a bear hug
43. The Beatles
44. smiling at a stranger
45. eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)
46. butterflies
47. staying in your pj's all day
48. singing along to the radio and knowing all the words
49. fresh herbs
50. ordering in pizza
51. happy endings...even if they're fictional
52. flying a kite
53. puppies
54. root beer floats
55. holding open the door...
56. ...or having someone hold the door for you
57. fountain soda
58. white, fluffy towels
59. sunshine
60. spending an afternoon at a museum
61. really great advice
62. green lights all the way home
63. the sound of rain hitting the windows
64. sitting in a booth
65. holding hands
66. a great hair day with no effort
67. building a fort with your kids
68. when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder
69. fireflies
70. the perfect taco
71. geraniums on a windowsill
72. slow dancing
73. the smell of fresh-baked bread
74. cheesy, uplifting musicals
75. great stories
    
76. the smell of gasoline
77. the cold side of the pillow
78. love letters
79. old friends...
80. ...new friends
81. a pull-through parking space
82. a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside
83. when a dog licks your hand
84. sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner
85. using your favorite dishes
86. reading your child a bedtime story
87. Girl Scout Cookies
88. flossing
89. kissing someone you love
90. the smell of onions and garlic cooking
91. hot chocolate
92. jumping in puddles
93. old photographs
    
94. birds hopping on the sidewalk
95. Ella Fitzgerald
96. a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar
97. your softest t-shirt
98. a new magazine in the mail
99. fireplaces
100. having exact change
101. bacon and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning

***image 1 by Chancake
***image 2 by Dmstei00
***image 3 by GreenifyME

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Spilling the Beans

Like most people we have some really weirdness inside of us. It could be a monster, a sick habit or the biggest secret that you have to die if others will know. Yeah I guess watching anime made me think this way… the feeling that why on earth I was born this way or why on earth I have to deal with useless things! Like boredom or annoying people… maybe that’s the reason why I get pissed off I people tend to say cartoons to anime, hello! Cartoons are aimless! Their goal is to laugh your ass off i.e. spongebob. I admit that some anime have this shallow storyboard but then they kicked you right on the middle or the end. Like bubu chacha for example, what I learned from it that you can’t always please everyone and life’s too short to waste it; to think a baby and his talking car made me realize those hahhahaha

Still I am attached to this system I guess… although I can’t see myself as an otaku unlike before… (high school memories flashing!)

What I truelly find about my self that I can “mostly” relate to anime character are two things: soujiro seta’s smile and being a reaction formation



Seta’s smile is like a mask… you know what I mean… a façade that creates an illusion to everyone; basically just to put a good face or other words hide the true feelings! Hmmmmm basically I wear this smile, yes its genuine since I’ve been practicing it! How do I know if it’s effective?? They say that I always have an airy atmosphere like humming birds chirping sort of stuff or that they smile back and ask the reason for my being smileyness…. Either way all of them were fooled… no wonder that when I complained they still have to guess which interventions to keep me company. And for the record, I’m showing signs of a histrionic kind of personality, which is like way way off. The reason? I always tell everyone what I’m doing through sms… hmmm not quite since I have nothing better to do and that people ask me these stuff… still the seta’s smile works every time I’m in deep deep trouble


In psychiatry, reaction formation is someone who acts the opposite of what he truly desires to do. Yeah I’m really really like that! It’s like a hard habit, not that I’m medically ill that is, but I see myself doing stuff that I don’t want to. For example, I hate watching Filipino films but somehow I end up watching katorse (because of enchong dee) or that I kept on denying that I like someone so much during my review board days that when I was alone and saw him around the vicinity I usually had this action of saying hi to him with a big smile splattered on my face. So much for the denial part… so ok ok I think I guess this is kinda sick! Or I am sick, literally! I’m trying though as to say what’s on my mind but then I have second thoughts for I had an incident of being frank too much that end up having enemies of my own… life is so unfair

And I am so stubborn that I have these dilemmas of dealing with other people’s issues….
Intimidating?? Nah!

**mask image by hengki24

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