Stopping the Party

After all these years, I’m still doing the stuff I had been since college. The difference is that the people are random. I don’t get it. I keep coming back on it when my brain tells me to stop. Is this some kind of addiction that every time I end up meeting new people I end up doing the same?
 

I have to admit that way back I was kinda curious about this kinda lifestyle. Doing parties on weekends, getaways or roadtrips and pigging out sessions with people. Now that I have a taste of it, it’s kinda dull. I guess because I keep doing it with different people that makes me going. It’s tiring, redundant and abusive to my sanity. Tried drinking or binge drinking, smoking whether its cigarettes or weed, and sleepless nights or hangovers on work. I don’t do drugs or any kinky stuff whatsoever that I keep my dignity intact. You know the feeling of being high? Not the drug addiction part, but the kind of you want to be lost in the music on the background, swaying your hair to the sweat and just laugh your problems away. Reaching your hands up in the air, banging you neck to the beat and doing whatever you wanna do. Party animal? Nah! I call it freedom. It’s the same feeling I have when I jumped through cliffs or pursed up from the water. The only thing that bothers me about it is that I feel that I am alone with this. I am kinda afraid if I force people to do the same, I’m abusing them. I live a life of more instinctual. Due to fact that I am enjoying it so much, I can’t distinguish if I am abusive. I tend to have this philosophy that you live once so grab it, but it’s getting way out of hand.

I go insane like this guy hahahaha

When all of those are over, sometimes I just take a pause, listen to what my heart is saying. But usually it says nothing, just silence. Sometimes I end up in tears. I still can’t figure out where the tears come from, my conclusions so far are that stress from all of the madness or that I am alone with it. I did share these concerns with friends, mostly of them said that I need to take a break from it like sleeping or having a new habit. The only reply I got that made me smile was that no matter how bad I may think of it I can still go back to the innocent me. The raw me when all I cared before were catching up with school and anime; that I know how to go out and get in safely.
 

Yikes! The madness did change me to some good and bad sides. I did make a lot of friends and talk more. Tend to have invites more often unlike before which I have to be mostly alone. I can still remember the days when I was at home waiting for something exciting to happen like an alien invasion. I am abusing my health though due to all of that.

The intervention I did was to take a haitus from it for a month, which I’m trying now. I’m on my third week but I did partied last Saturday due to some ‘heart-breaking’ issues by colleagues. So far I am happy with haitus. My fitness crazy is what my mind is busy from. I just like to have my excess belly to disappear! Hahahahaha kinda nice actually since I’m exposed to fewer toxins and yes I am that desperate. Why? Boredom. The only thing that usually drives me crazy on day offs. Why a month? Well next month is kinda big for me, last days of summer! Plus my sun and sand days are counted so better hit it up. Trying to taper it down, getting my energy back.

 whoever doesn't want to join this kind of crowd?

Obviously if you manage to read it here, stopping the party in me would be kinda miles away. It’s not the eternal happiness that I was looking for…  It’s the people who are the culprits of it. Definitely not hating them, it’s me who thinks that way.

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Take me OUT

My life has somehow take to a path down memory lane. It’s like seeing the cycle again
 

The cycle for me is that you go to some group when you enter every developmental stage of life. The said group is divided to people that belongs to the goody toe shoes or the ones who get high on life and eventually screws up. Every stage of my life I have entered the said group and witnessed the same thing over and over again.
 

Elementary days were my care free moments. It was where we all like to just play and forget the world. Everyone care less on where you came from or what status you are in life as long as everyone is doing his own thing. But as society changes as you grow up hence you change as well. Either good or bad, the changes brought about the environments will forever hold in your future. We witnessed then they are many kids with new bags every school year or that a new toy was out. It’s the start of the trending setting. Playmates has somehow divided into males or females or by status on once life or by any other circumstances.
 

High school days were my said dark days. I guess puberty has its downs on me when I was on it. It was where my emotions ran off its own without even thinking. Still the same thing of statuses and division from ‘popular’ kids to those wealthy bunch, the nerds to those who are geek enough to play all day on rpg games. It didn’t bother me then about this since I don’t care about statuses but on what the person’s ground on life is. Was all materialistic actually, and everyone just likes to pick everyone around including me. This went on til we graduated.
 

College was mellow enough. Still the cycle was there since I joined to a university who mostly are wealthy enough to buy their own car (from parent’s money of course). What I liked about those years was that since I was used to the cycle, everything else seemed boring. I knew the things mostly to what happen or what will happen. Charged that to experience I guess. Instead of whining about it, I just rode unto it and enjoyed which road to take me. Turned out was twisted yet hilarious!
 

My workplace was still the same though. Even those married types, still it was like witnessing elementary kids on having new school bags rather make it new make up. Hahahahaha yet that cycle is still there.

 I just want to get out of this cycle and see another angle [image source]

Hence, I want to exit from that cycle. It’s somehow bored me to death. Mankind’s standards then? Like what Bowling for Soup’s High School Never Ends song tells us, the whole word is pretty obsess on the not so important matters even if you reached 35. But then you look unto you, you still look the same years like before, listen to the same music and eat pretty much the same favorites. Some minor changes are there though but then what I found amazing was that, the close friends I have over the years had the same trend. They were pretty entertaining, not superficial and still could sit around for hours talking nonsense even if we seldom see each other.

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Sober

Not drunk just sober and letting some feelings out for relief

You know how matter I try to look on some happy moments over a table with drinks with friends I still tend to be lonely. Lonely on some points that no matter what I do there will be no one there at home or a person which I can retell all the stories I did for the day; a person that will be willing to be with me no matter how I look or say during drunken moments. I guess alcohol sometimes makes you sad or emoish sort of way. It’s nice to have friends laughing over but there is always a time when all you need is a person that understands for you. Who is there existing and listens, no matter how bad or good you will sound after all that shittiness of the world.

sober makes you think harder sometimes
[image source]

So I guess the ‘Need You’ song by Lady Anteballum sorts of inserts here. That’s the reason why I don’t like the song since it only reminds me of that really there is somewhere in my mind that finds the YOU. The problem is where the hell is he? Finding the YOU part is so draining that I can’t stand it sometimes. Alone.

Hence my brain will answer again to the scenes with the gray man. It all started there, those fucking drinking moments that I just laughed about it these days. Too embarrassing to relay yet there where some things that I did miss. I miss the feeling I guess but there is nothing left anyway. I forced myself not to go back since it really hurt like hell, who would like to be hurt like that again? Correction I miss the feeling of the idea of having someone. That I can accept the fact that why I keep on returning on him even though on reality there are no chances of it to happen. Now I consider him not a friend or an enemy but someone that made a big impact without doing anything, no fuckin idea that somehow ruined my mind! Or maybe that I just wish there or is actually someone there. Why him? That I can’t still answer that fuckin question.

Insert ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles now I’m literally on the water works again typing this. I guess being sober makes you sad again…

Really I want to be out of this mess but the loneliness has come to a point that it’s chocking. Patience is ready to left and I’m running out of excuses to tell myself. I just fear that my sanity can’t hold it any longer. I fear the actions I will do after that will cause further damage. I fear a lot like the unknown.

Distractions are being clichés to me these days. It’s not working either. What’s left I guess is to take action but dunno where…

I let fate decide na lang coz crying and thinking make my head hurts.

Insert song ‘Broken’ by Lifehouse

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10 Rules of Being Human

we are all humans after all [image source]

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Written by Cherie Carter-Scott in Life is a Game, These Are The Rules [source]

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Maybe...

Maybe. . .we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe . . . when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don’t even see the new one which has been opened for us.

just maybe [image source]

Maybe . . . it is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe . . . the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can’t go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . . . you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe . . . there are moments in life when you miss someone — a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child — so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe . . . the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe . . you should always try to put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe . . you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe . . . giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn’t, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe . . . happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe . . . you shouldn’t go for looks; they can deceive; don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe . . you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy

Maybe . . . you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

source

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Sleep Protector

“Dream catchers are one of the most fascinating traditions of Native Americans. The traditional dream catcher was intended to protect the sleeping individual from negative dreams, while letting positive dreams through. The positive dreams would slip through the hole in the center of the dream catcher, and glide down the feathers to the sleeping person below. The negative dreams would get caught up in the web, and expire when the first rays of the sun struck them.

The dream catcher has been a part of Native American culture for generations. One element of Native American dream catcher relates to the tradition of the hoop. Some Native Americans of North America held the hoop in the highest esteem, because it symbolized strength and unity. Many symbols started around the hoop, and one of these symbols is the dream catcher.” as stated at http://www.dream-catchers.org/

my old dream catcher hanging freely above my bed

For years I have some bizarre dreams to put at. Both good and bad, indeed they have intended to remind me of the things I need to do, to know and to avoid. I never believed in such legends or origins since I believe in seeing the living matter. Nonetheless my country consists of countless legends that it enlightens my humor.

My manoy gave me the dream catcher I have now. It’s been years since then and it’s kinda dusty too. It was a Christmas /Graduation gift and I had nothing to give back. I really suck on giving gift ideas. If I can remember correctly it was the first nicest thing my manoy gave me except for those annoying antics. Anyway he said it will be helpful in my sleep since it preserves good dreams. Indeed it did.

When I moved to Cebu for college, the dream catcher was a big help. It was where I intended to aim high in life; even though my career path was kinda murky back then. I usually end up alone on my room and sleep a lot. Even during breaks, I would rush to my room and sleep but later some people crash to join my sleeping routine.

It also gave me some visions of unwanted and wanted reality. Painful? Yes. I think too much for myself that I get to the point of paranoia. Paranoid that the actions I take will end up in regrets. Some did end up in regrets, others were a chance of expression and some where blessings in disguise.

Amazing how dreams talk to the dreamer. Is it the unconscious mind? Or some defense mechanism?

Yet my unconscious and conscious minds are like opposites. Fickle minded I guess…

Like it's history, the dream catcher allowed me to dream such goals and visions I wanted. Mostly though I usually remember the bizarre ones but I’m pretty sure I have good ones. Still there are some which I name it bad dreams. It’s not a sign or something. I was wishing for the forces to do something good to me but it backfired. It made me realize that if you want something or someone as bad you have to go through a cycle. A cycle where in the forces will guide you which paths to take. It may be hard and long but at the end of the cycle, the thing or person you wanted so much will show up… unexpectedly. It’s up to the Creator I guess.

The reason why this dream catcher exists is to guide the people. Guide as in life what paths to take, the answers to the questions that mumble our minds and to know the reason for existing. I don’t know if it has this magic key to the future but there’s nothing wrong in dreaming a little.

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Knocking on Mr. Brain: The Intro

Random thought 1: Reasons

Is there a possibility of a situation that exist without any reasons? No
Everything happens to a reason according to philosophy.
Reasons exist because of choices. The choices we used had consequences. So man invented parallel universe for other choices to exist.
Curse you song from D’sound entitled ‘Do I need a Reason’ for these stanzas to live
I wonder what kind of parallel universe my other selves look like. I solemnly wish for this universe to have the 5 wishes granted.
1 wish down! Four remains and the 4th one is fast approaching. This September.

Random thought 2: Drying Undergarments

The random thought 1 had to die soon because of my eyes.
My brother had invented a faster way of drying undergarments in doors overnight.
How? By tossing it like a hula hoop of course.
Physics should be the winner of all of this with the help of air.
Not only that it’s helpful, its fun too. You’ll be imagining like a cowboy, with your undergarment as a rope to catch the bad guys
He’s been using this method for a year now. To my surprise it worked. No failed experiments
His best clients, my two cousins: a girl and a boy
Spotted both of them tossing undergarments on the balcony and inside the bathroom
Hang it dry near an air conditioning or electric fan for better results

Random thought 3: Coffee

Been on thinking about it lately, it’s become my source of energy
Worst part, it has been kind of a vitamin
Happy that I’m living healthily with no alcohol for almost 2 months now
Yet the suspect now is coffee, especially the caramel macchiato of Starbucks
Tried the non caffeinated ones like the hot chocolates from Coffee Bean and Bo’s
But the espresso shots are like love bugs calling me
So now I’m broke as hell with all the caffeine inside of me
Plus I’m like a walking zombie wanting some coffee instead of brains

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The Annoying Shadow

**Trying again my stuff on ghost writing, actually inspired on a character to one of the manga i'm reading. I actually quite understand the things she's going through but still no idea on the gender she's referring so it's kinda hard. On the second note, my first try was this poem here way back in college... so if you're planning on reading this i thank you in advance for wasting 5 minutes on it

image by kannibaldevotchka

For a boost of ego, it’s nice to have some loyal fans or make it a fan that praises every action you take; even if it’s in your social networks or just in reality. It does give your confidence a little… well a show of its own. Really who would complain? I mean your being an example to someone either good or bad and that someone believes in you, the philosophies you stand and that you’re somebody’s star goal or important human being that ever existed.

Remember the Newton’s third law of physics? Wait make it attraction.

For every action, there is an opposite reaction…

Having a follower of you is ok but a copy cat! That’s another thing…

image by aeya112

Literally it annoys me having to find out someone that doesn’t know the meaning of stop, overboard or shame. Its not a big deal for me if its that normal conversation but then its get worse… its get to the point that every action I took, every single thing I do there is something that he or she will do anything just to get attention or make an event that he or she is actually present! Yes I know you’re alive and you don’t have to send the message twice. I’m no coco bird and I need my space.

I clearly inform the message that to please lessen it up a bit but got the wrong impression instead. Tried confronting it again, still got the wrong idea. What part of stop you don’t understand? Do I need to perform a demo in front just to get the picture? Or you’re the one who has a coco brain? I already made the first move to clear up things and yet I always fail.

Copycats, I prefer them the lowest part of society. It means that you’re not confident enough of who you are. Unless you have a sickness hmm I guess it was introjection, meaning copying the traits of others. Just because I’m having conversations or spilling some classified (if you consider them classified) things bout my life doesn’t mean you know me very well. Because we see each other or make replies to each other doesn’t mean you know me that well too. Presumptions kill the cat very early. Please listen first to what I’m not saying.

It’s not always about us in this world. Learn to adjust, to adapt. I guess that what others forgot to see, that you’re not the only living person here. You maybe unique, everyone is but you don’t have to annoy a single person just to get the message, clearly I got it. The problem is that if I reply, you tend to extend it make it a conversation bout the things you have or won. You say that no one understand you, clearly no one will if you won’t let them understand. The world is simple and people are not dumb not to get the question, except for you.

Hence I hate drama queens and emos. They tend to complicate things, not seeing the big picture. There is no such thing as a no-asking policy; stop sulking and let people know what you really want. Actions are louder than words.

Look what you really are, stop assuming things and know your limits to everyone. That’s why it’s better to be yourself than being a great pretender.

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Small Pleasures

Feeling crappy upon waking up, my mind was stuck on a constant thing. stuck. I guess that word would eventually be my partner in crime for the following weeks or maybe months! The horror!

a nice hug from ipin to lambo

My fingers were my saviors for the day typing random stuff on google and yahoo. So this was the result of using your instinct for a change.

Small pleasures while not spending money! what a relief!! ^___^ (original article here) you gotta appreciate the little things which is so true; the bold ones are my usual reasons to smile

1. coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)
2. crisp cotton sheets
3. soft skin
4. old family recipes
5. the first daffodils of spring
6. sleeping in
7. an exercise endorphin high
8. window boxes
9. a perfect cup of coffee
10. a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)
11. the way babies smell
12. a handwritten letter
13. waking up in a good mood...for no real reason
14. singing in the shower
15. finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket
16. doing something nice for your neighbor
17. a home cooked meal
18. laughing
19. movie theater popcorn
20. playing hookey
21. a bubble bath
22. swimming
23. an afternoon nap
24. street musicians
25. your favorite song
26. saying thank you
27. helping someone in need
28. old fashioned photo booths
29. fresh whipped cream
30. inspiring blogs
31. a glass of wine
32. rainy afternoons
33. the funny things kids say
34. a novel you can get lost in
35. finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale
36. clean laundry
37. the wind in your hair
38. treating the person behind you at the drive-thru
39. sharing an umbrella
40. the smell of lavender
41. a long walk that clears your head
42. a bear hug
43. The Beatles
44. smiling at a stranger
45. eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)
46. butterflies
47. staying in your pj's all day
48. singing along to the radio and knowing all the words
49. fresh herbs
50. ordering in pizza
51. happy endings...even if they're fictional
52. flying a kite
53. puppies
54. root beer floats
55. holding open the door...
56. ...or having someone hold the door for you
57. fountain soda
58. white, fluffy towels
59. sunshine
60. spending an afternoon at a museum
61. really great advice
62. green lights all the way home
63. the sound of rain hitting the windows
64. sitting in a booth
65. holding hands
66. a great hair day with no effort
67. building a fort with your kids
68. when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder
69. fireflies
70. the perfect taco
71. geraniums on a windowsill
72. slow dancing
73. the smell of fresh-baked bread
74. cheesy, uplifting musicals
75. great stories
    
76. the smell of gasoline
77. the cold side of the pillow
78. love letters
79. old friends...
80. ...new friends
81. a pull-through parking space
82. a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside
83. when a dog licks your hand
84. sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner
85. using your favorite dishes
86. reading your child a bedtime story
87. Girl Scout Cookies
88. flossing
89. kissing someone you love
90. the smell of onions and garlic cooking
91. hot chocolate
92. jumping in puddles
93. old photographs
    
94. birds hopping on the sidewalk
95. Ella Fitzgerald
96. a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar
97. your softest t-shirt
98. a new magazine in the mail
99. fireplaces
100. having exact change
101. bacon and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning

***image 1 by Chancake
***image 2 by Dmstei00
***image 3 by GreenifyME

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Wrap it up for May

Clearly only a few days to go and we say hello to May! Wait it is already May!

This month could mean anything, mother’s day to maria clara or the last summer month so gotta get those slacking chase some more!

May can be anything but my attention is on the elections, yep the 2010 national elections. The battle of whirlwind of politics that has been since last year is finally on the finals review. The people be the judge and the players be the candidates and oh yes oh dear this season is so colorful…literally.

which flavor would you prefer?

For 21 years, this is gonna be my first time to vote. So I was a slack on this voting thing since politics is one area, which to me is so messed up. From its presidential position down to the local, still I can’t decide straight which is which to choose from. The only fun thing is that this election, people are so divided. Its like a battle of rainbow with so many opinions being thrown out by one another. It’s seeing a huge courtroom with people wearing colored shirts.

The 3 main national positions, president, vice president and the 12 senators, are the highlights for the said event. With each candidates trying to pull off some silly or crazy stuff just to get attention to people. The problem is if what they’re saying would be put into actions that easily. Filipinos are hardheaded people but still I believe leaders who are using a greater authoritative force would work. We’re like a bunch of babies actually that needs parents who will make us grow.

Another fun side of this election, the talks rather the criticism of each candidates are being dug up from the grave. They’re throwing each other’s with spoiled pies that need to be clean up stat! What the heck it’s a major party so I would say to miley cyrus that Philippine’s party is way better than the US. (PS: I hate that song)

presidential candidates: (UL-R) Aquino, delos Reyes, Madrigal, Villar, Teodoro, Gordon, Estrada, Villaneuva, Perlas

My only concerns are that for the presidential position, some candidates well I strongly disagree on. One is the impeached president. I mean common if he wins this country is so dumb to let us go through another turmoil. Another would be a non contributor to the senate and has famous political parents. Yet how can he rule this country, even he doesn’t know the ways to caring one. Just because he’s always on time to meetings doesn’t mean he would know how to mange a country? Waaah no evidence at all! As for the only woman running for the position, she’s kinda strong but her vision of starting work at homes for the employment problem is kinda hard since resources are usually inadequate and expensive plus I have to admit we Filipinos approved more on imported products than our own.

As for another candidate JC, he believes in abolishing the death penalty, I disagree on this because this country really needs force in order to obey. Although I like his idea of banning public candidates to appear on media like starring in movies or being a news anchor or posting billboards in projects.

For the orange side specifically the wealthiest, he’s vision of all out war against poverty is an interesting topic yet so hard to pull off. For years this country has its share of ups and downs on the middle class but currently is on lower level. Even though he knows the living of the poor since he was one but then I think this country needs really more time for that change to happen and that 6 years is not enough.

Well all are my opinions on the said presidency but then again the people are the ones who have the rights to it…

PS: this post was supposed to be posted before may 10, wth! ^___^ this is what no net connections is all about

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Seeing Blue Heat

The scorching heat is really got into me. Its like hundred nails pricking you in an annoying way! Hence I can’t get wrong what’s not to love about summer!

I usually complain of everything too much in the weather, until now that is. The heat is so contagious that it makes me smile seeing puffy white clouds in a big blue of endless. Gaaaah it’s like a smile burner!

my summer blue heat in ormoc city

Instead of going back to thoughts of problems, my door always pictures a blue sky. I guess being in the second floor with a small balcony is nice! Hahhaha all I could wish is how to get those clouds to my reach. Er flying? Now that would be cool. Hmm maybe that’s the reason why I want to try gliding and jumping out in a plane with a parachute on so much. Para sailing was boring!

blue heat strikes in dalaguite

When the sky is soo blue and I am stuck in a boat trip from ormoc to cebu or vice versa, I would end up staring to the clouds and let my mind wander. Honestly I thought bout the gray man (the reason why I blog again) during most of those trips. And still I have no idea why on earth would I do that. I’m really drawn with the clouds, like they are calling me to come up here and have fun with the sun. Kinda similar to him, they are like magnets!

across the sun on the sands of boracay

under the sun on the heats of borbon

Indeed summer is so contagious! The problem is I have no destinations to go to! Unlike last year, I hope to have another trip to trip this year.

That reminds me, ken zhu’s video was so blue, hahah the show me your love song. Er I know its like ages but then I have to admit this was the only song I love to hear before over and over again! Not a F4 fan though. What else that’s hot about contagious and smile? Hmmmmm summer treats then? That would be a plus sign!

Ken Zhu's MV on Show me Your Love (catchy!)
plus its a karaoke version

Showing some skin is not, definitely not in my list. That would be suicide plus I have enough of that last year (Bora moments). March is drawing really fast, and the real summer months are approaching along the way would be the dreadful exam. Until now, I have no idea when my date test would be. I guess I should stop procrastinating… in another day! Hahaha

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88 Truths

A friend tagged me this note. wow and they were truths indeed... the italicized ones would be my truths that kinda struck me the most.. enjoy reading! oh yeah the link to this is right here.

1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot. ( hahahhaha)

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive. And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds. Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present a candid version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match your own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die. To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes. But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves. Alleviating their suffering will help them not hurt others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us strongly biased towards or against something. This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be. It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress. You’ll spend a third of your life using it. (sleeeeep!)

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.(guilty!)

64. Words are immensely powerful. One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.(so agree to this)

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the experience of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying. Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a small amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips. I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself. (i wish a lot!)

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity. It’s priceless, and it never grows back (procrastinate baby!)

well that's about it hehehe technically i scanned the list like thrice already and still it bugs me heehehe

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Compositions

I've been trying to search all my poems that i have published through the net. Its kinda scattered and i just wanted then filed enough...

It brings back some memories, both good and bad ones. It's like a relief for me too, dunno if I'm that good in making poems since I usually put it in words that are easily understood. Melodramatic then? nah just bored and my mind wanders a lot thus the title of this blog.

Frenemy

Like hammers that beat one tune
Haven’t seen such scary moon
Haziness what my eyes see
None compares your cruelty

You’re selfishness has succumb
Sanity barely hold womb
Like a child that is haughty
Fake smiles like from ebony

Bit of you my life to hate
Every time spend cannot take
Politeness what I’m accustom
Yet thoughts bring to your tomb

Actions failed deliver the truth
Still chained from the dying sooth
Dumb to understand my plee
Just one of your frenemy

This one was done yesterday, still confused on what to do with her... she's like impossible to deal with. Yes i tried to offer her opinions first but she has no direct intention to her actions on whatsoever. I always the one who end up with stupidity. She's still the same person on what my previous blogs that i complained about sheeesh! Plus she's so dependent with people around her and she's on her twentys already!

Tearful Rain

Can’t control of sluggish flow
Blaming gravity for the show
Yet coolness what I needed
For flushes that bleeded

Each drop is pain and relief
Wish to stop, early brief
No sheath nor shield can yield
Falling into empty field

Hands wet from rain and tears
Trying to master for years
Failure beckons until now
Simple solution to how

Curtains fall after drama
Going through all, I don’t wanna
Light has return not fully
Must return to my journey

I made this last year around june... those where the times when i was alone and have no idea on what to do with life. Maybe i was overwhelmed by the rain that day and it matched my mood so well. Yeah with the drama on board exams as well, I was a nervous wreck and had no idea if my life would be in the drains or up up there somewhere warm not wet.

Chances

You’re so far away to reach
Hands are short and numb
Calling your name but can’t reach
Insides feeling cold and dumb

Air is thin and I’m grasping
Searching your voice or face
Getting up but strength’s lacking
Keeping up with your pace

You wouldn’t turn to look at me
Not even a nod, stare or smile
Is there something I wrong to thee
Made me feel angry or even cry….

The chant we had has lost and missing
But I guess we’re done and through
Unlike before your eyes were twinkling
Warming and taking away my blues…

Feelings and still intact and true
Is moving on the right path?
Decided mind but heart confused
Asking for a second chance…

This was born due to my thoughts of having a lost lover. i guess i should write a story on something about that hahahahha no i'm not the star on that one rather another person that is opposite of me...but that would be another hard work *lazy* now that i mentioned the word lover, its kinda weird yet fun on pretending your thoughts to someone else. I guess this poem was a wish rather than calling.

Other compositions:

Afraid
A Must Have
Bitter Revenge
Phrases and Stanzas
Plain
Tempting Ice Cream
The Hermit
Your Somebody

I never thought I would have a handful already just so you know, this is due to boredom that I came out with these stuff.

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Almost

Ever wonder what will your fate would be If a situation was meant to happen? Or ‘almost’ happened but some external circumstances just happen to but in?

Thus, man invited the idea of parallel universe, hoping maybe that something or someone happened in front of you and that your present existence would be that bad or good…

yeah almost...
jayxxbe

Hmmm I guess you could say it as the “what ifs” of life without any regrets though rather relief’s… regrets are another thing but then these situations of mine are my ‘almost’ moments that made me realized what a disaster would that be if it went on…

True these situations are embarrassing but what the heck! Only 3 people I know who read this blog, so go ahead I’ll make some parts of my past see through…

1. Almost said yes to a wrong guy

This happened way back in junior high… I was naive then, more like a new bird being set free… I guess ‘puppy love’ was the term mostly used before… (Just relate to this post for further details about this guy) maybe because it was the first time somebody treated me like a princess or the most beautiful girl in the world… and that I was blinded by the thought of having my first love… you know what I mean about those stuff way back in your high school… just because he said something about your face, the way you dress, its like your in love… but then my mother said something about being practical in life… and she was the one who told me that just because your peers are doing it, you should do it too… true I was carried away by the idea of being in a relationship rather than how I truly feel…. What did I feel? It was more like a childish act like having a new toy, getting excited and all; since everything happened so fast and the guy was also the one who said that I was not a hassle girl after all… as time goes by, I was getting bored of it… and he was being a jackass for everything… like being a puppy everywhere I went, it made me nuts! He would be mad If I don’t reply asap, asking random and meaningless questions and saying that how he change because of me and all that crap. It was getting too much and its like having cuddies slowly. Really it was sick, I guess I’m really an opposite kinda of a girl since over doing praises spoils my mood.

So I ended it all, without saying a word and I have to admit I’m the bad guy in this scenario… oh yes he got mad at me but still I remained silent… even until now, I will just look at him, smile and stay away as possible…

2. Almost dated my teacher’s brother

This is a funny one, I was in senior high and that time chatting through MIRC was the trend. Friendster and Myspace were still hit on teens about online socializing… Ironically, we had a very very slow net connection at home because it was landline. So mostly on weekends or free days I went to net café’s and do just about everything there (i.e. blogging). One event, I was chatting through MIRC and went to our local channels since mostly my friends are there… I forget what screen name I used though. A lot of screen names then popped up, usually I entertain them, sometimes not, it depends on what I’m doing so that day I just went entertaining people… mostly people asked you details like location, sex and age, then next would be other details like if your still in school, single or other questions like that (you know what I mean) so this particular screen name said some outrageous stuff, I was hooked totally since we had some similarities like food, anime, music… he then gave me his email so that we could be friends in fs, I checked his profile, was ok since his pic was on anime… so I sent a friend request. Little do I know, that he was just in the same café in the same time like I was. I never mentioned that which café I was at, but then suddenly someone pulled my shirt and said oi! I was confused. He said he was ---- (I forgot his screen name), to my surprise I was shaking! Hahahha it was weird I mean he was the one sitting at my left side all along and I didn’t even notice it. He can’t be stalking me or anything since the monitors were in dividers. We shook hands but I said to him he looks familiar, he said her older sister is working as a teacher in my school waaaah which was kinda weird… still I was shaking, I made an excuse that my mom was waiting for me already, eeek! He asked for my num and I gave it to him! I was shocked on why on earth did I do that! Anyways, he was in college already and that we shared something common ‘daw’ (usually that’s what his texts all about) finally what I dreaded the most happened, what if we could hang out? Totally I’m a paranoid in these stuff but I usually pulled off some excuse, it worked but then again he would caught me during Fridays outside school, hai good thing his ate was there hahahha at least I won’t be alone with him… its not like his ugly or a meanie but then again I wasn’t ready for that part because of what happened during junior high hahahha and the only time we were alone was like 10 mins outside my school buying food… I guess he noticed that I was kinda scared of him… he backed off as time passed. Weird I never saw him again ^^

3. Almost went together to a complete stranger

This is what I would always say about alcohol! Its make your life miserable… it happened in college, we were having fun with my 3 friends at a local club. Alcohol was like an SOP on those cases, usually I ended up having too much and usually the effects are releasing your inner wildness inside. I wasn’t like super wild, more like just enough to kick in the effect of the alcohol… usually I don’t dance, but when I’m in a drinking spree, my feet are uncontrollable! Its like they are program to move every rnb song there is… hahahaha

I was jumping up and down when suddenly someone jumped out and down together with me… usually I don’t entertain strangers, but since I was having so much fun in my life I let it all behind… next thing I could remember was that he was there right in front of me smiling his ass off… I suddenly stop and sat down since I was sweating already… my other friend was dancing while the other one was with me… she needed to smoke so I joined with her. That smiling ass was following with us all the long and that he thanked me for having a blast. (grabbing my hand which was weird) He then invited us if we would like to dine with them, I wasn’t in a mood since he’s a stranger… that smiling ass introduced himself and I’m pretty sure it was a lie… (hating grabbing my hand I just grabbed it back) good thing my friend rejected it too but he kept on begging… I said no… he then asked if we needed a ride, I said no my friend has a car (we went there through taxi). Even though I was a lil drunk, I was pissed by someone who keeps on begging we don’t even know the guy for crying out loud… finally someone I know came hahahha and that we need to go back inside… at least he just smiled there and went to his car… we said goodbyes and until this very day I still wish I would never see his face again!


I think I should stop here; there are other sets of almost moments maybe next time if I can remember posting them ^^

All I could say that, I’m happy on what I’m doing right now! Those were not regrettable scenarios, both scary and hilarious moments of my life…’til next segment on this.

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