The Annoying Shadow

**Trying again my stuff on ghost writing, actually inspired on a character to one of the manga i'm reading. I actually quite understand the things she's going through but still no idea on the gender she's referring so it's kinda hard. On the second note, my first try was this poem here way back in college... so if you're planning on reading this i thank you in advance for wasting 5 minutes on it

image by kannibaldevotchka

For a boost of ego, it’s nice to have some loyal fans or make it a fan that praises every action you take; even if it’s in your social networks or just in reality. It does give your confidence a little… well a show of its own. Really who would complain? I mean your being an example to someone either good or bad and that someone believes in you, the philosophies you stand and that you’re somebody’s star goal or important human being that ever existed.

Remember the Newton’s third law of physics? Wait make it attraction.

For every action, there is an opposite reaction…

Having a follower of you is ok but a copy cat! That’s another thing…

image by aeya112

Literally it annoys me having to find out someone that doesn’t know the meaning of stop, overboard or shame. Its not a big deal for me if its that normal conversation but then its get worse… its get to the point that every action I took, every single thing I do there is something that he or she will do anything just to get attention or make an event that he or she is actually present! Yes I know you’re alive and you don’t have to send the message twice. I’m no coco bird and I need my space.

I clearly inform the message that to please lessen it up a bit but got the wrong impression instead. Tried confronting it again, still got the wrong idea. What part of stop you don’t understand? Do I need to perform a demo in front just to get the picture? Or you’re the one who has a coco brain? I already made the first move to clear up things and yet I always fail.

Copycats, I prefer them the lowest part of society. It means that you’re not confident enough of who you are. Unless you have a sickness hmm I guess it was introjection, meaning copying the traits of others. Just because I’m having conversations or spilling some classified (if you consider them classified) things bout my life doesn’t mean you know me very well. Because we see each other or make replies to each other doesn’t mean you know me that well too. Presumptions kill the cat very early. Please listen first to what I’m not saying.

It’s not always about us in this world. Learn to adjust, to adapt. I guess that what others forgot to see, that you’re not the only living person here. You maybe unique, everyone is but you don’t have to annoy a single person just to get the message, clearly I got it. The problem is that if I reply, you tend to extend it make it a conversation bout the things you have or won. You say that no one understand you, clearly no one will if you won’t let them understand. The world is simple and people are not dumb not to get the question, except for you.

Hence I hate drama queens and emos. They tend to complicate things, not seeing the big picture. There is no such thing as a no-asking policy; stop sulking and let people know what you really want. Actions are louder than words.

Look what you really are, stop assuming things and know your limits to everyone. That’s why it’s better to be yourself than being a great pretender.

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Being a Douche Bag

Last Friday would be the deadliest er rather the craziest penalty my life had ever done! I know my id won again and my conscience kept on kicking my brain on returning to the safe side. Once again I defy the law my mother gave me. I mean I was carried out by the situation so much that I didn’t think it as dangerous. All I could here was that my mother’s voice on the other line stating I abused my body way too much…which was true and I hated it!

don't trust my smile, the morning after i lied tsk tsk

I was scheduled to have a tooth extraction on Friday, same as my friend’s bday. Yes I did my best to keep that date clean but still due to my procrastinating ways, the dentist set it on the same date. At first I hesitated on not telling my mother, but I told her later that day. She went mad like mad mad. Her words were blowing off my ear on the other line. I was there at a friend’s house, my stuff was packed and I had like fifteen minutes before the time we were supposed to be waiting. Feeling pathetic, I couldn’t reply to what my mother was blabbing about, and finally said a lie to her that I was heading home. I ended up having to endure both pain and guilt all the way to Balamban. Yes I diverted my attention to the surroundings but my mom’s voice kept echoing through my head. I know I was really wrong and I know was acting stupid but then I had fun… I still managed to put a genuine smile to people even if my tooth was aching… I even dragged my brother to my pretentious intention just to get there (this part was not easy, my brother is a snake literally!). Its like instinct that I have to go… and I’ll have to deal with regrets later. Luckily now, nothing serious happened to my tooth yet except that the swelling and the eating part are kinda annoying.

I fed myself to selfishness that day but it was my decision, no one forced me or advised me to do it; even another friend said that. Thanks to her I wasn’t being a sleezeball or acting cranky during the moments of food, food and more food! Hahahha I know I’m a sinner for gluttony… and to think my brother said that I had very weird reasons for myself to be there (and I have to keep it to myself too). Literally my hands are shaking again when I do this kind of stuff. Yup ironic that I tried so hard to follow my mom’s advises but I noticed almost all of them I have the urge to defy them. Not on revenge though, maybe I’m scared that I would end up like her! See the pattern to what her profession is.

with carmi (my tooth nurse) and lara (the bday girl)

Enough with the conscience talking, all I could really say is thank you very much! I had fun, another page to my memory book, another experience to the situation both good and bad plus the free food I got. Weird I never saw a bibingka that looks like pancakes and very tasty too. My cousin complained on why I only bought three pieces, as if I have the idea they would love it.

at the beach on the last day ( bige aka hungry kitchen, lara aka bday girl / food supplier, carmi aka tooth nurse!)

Blessing in disguise then? No not that… I’m still on the healing process of my left molar. Only one more request, if you ever know my mother personally, please don’t tell her about this. I will be killed for sure!

PS: Big thanks to hungry kitchen for the photos! hahahha ^___^

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Money Talks

Technically, money isn’t important right? Right? This statement has been circling around my head for 3 days now. Seems like the twisted of unluckiness has visited me. Left me broke and well thinking of ways for survival due to my cravings. It’s basically my fault since I miscalculated some spenditures, left me hanging until Monday.

shiny coins not in my wallet

My biggest problem is still money. I don’t get it. Well I don’t have any job… yet but I keep on losing my way back into spending everything to what heart’s desire. It’s my 5th year living in a place where I studied. I stayed in a shared room with my brother and allowances are my soul surviving skill to this place. Without it, I’m dead.

My brain keeps on yelling why do we have to bargain something to get what we want?? Yes its bad to steal and this world would be chaotic if no rules were applied. The problem is that how come money goes away easily. Simple, its all man’s idea of luxury. I do have my own luxurious dreams in life. Even if *coughs* my parents are not into those things, their daughter is.

My parents are included in those dreams though; like sending them to a cruise trip to their anniversaries or bringing my dad to his favorite tennis championship games or giving my mom her favorite pair of jimmy choo sandals. My brother can afford his own dream luxury since he’s a very very thrifty person! I wish I would be one but hence thanks to my father, I kinda inherit my spending skills from him! I just wish I could repay them the fee they gave me just for education. Education is the only thing they ever supported so much. By saying that I will always have my father playing in my head saying those exact words. I guess I am trained to be like this. And yeah I do get second thoughts on asking from them or cheating from them… my evil self always stayed quite when it comes to these money talks. (I’m also a goody cookie you know!)

luxury living! ok i am being materialistic haha

What if I could get a job now? On what? I don’t like to be in a call center (proud ego) or work as a private nurse on night shifts (a friend invited me). Seriously I lack skills on my nursing area. Its been like almost a year and never did I step to a hospital or clinic. As for the pay, didn’t ask I rather keep my license protected instead of risking it! That reminds me, I have a poofy face on my license, waaah it’s like I had facial edema! (sorry I won’t show it to you *sticks tongue out*)

Back to the money business agenda, hmm my survival mode is on today since last week I was spending my ass of mainly on food! Hahai reminds me of the debts I own. I don’t want to give any details about it, all I know is that I must must find a way in repaying them! I know my dignity has somehow being like stab again but still I will pay them! T_T

Wishful thinking…

The only part I want to be in a reality is that I’ll stop complaining and get my ass off the chair. There are no shortcuts to life, or fast forwards either.

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