Sober

Not drunk just sober and letting some feelings out for relief

You know how matter I try to look on some happy moments over a table with drinks with friends I still tend to be lonely. Lonely on some points that no matter what I do there will be no one there at home or a person which I can retell all the stories I did for the day; a person that will be willing to be with me no matter how I look or say during drunken moments. I guess alcohol sometimes makes you sad or emoish sort of way. It’s nice to have friends laughing over but there is always a time when all you need is a person that understands for you. Who is there existing and listens, no matter how bad or good you will sound after all that shittiness of the world.

sober makes you think harder sometimes
[image source]

So I guess the ‘Need You’ song by Lady Anteballum sorts of inserts here. That’s the reason why I don’t like the song since it only reminds me of that really there is somewhere in my mind that finds the YOU. The problem is where the hell is he? Finding the YOU part is so draining that I can’t stand it sometimes. Alone.

Hence my brain will answer again to the scenes with the gray man. It all started there, those fucking drinking moments that I just laughed about it these days. Too embarrassing to relay yet there where some things that I did miss. I miss the feeling I guess but there is nothing left anyway. I forced myself not to go back since it really hurt like hell, who would like to be hurt like that again? Correction I miss the feeling of the idea of having someone. That I can accept the fact that why I keep on returning on him even though on reality there are no chances of it to happen. Now I consider him not a friend or an enemy but someone that made a big impact without doing anything, no fuckin idea that somehow ruined my mind! Or maybe that I just wish there or is actually someone there. Why him? That I can’t still answer that fuckin question.

Insert ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles now I’m literally on the water works again typing this. I guess being sober makes you sad again…

Really I want to be out of this mess but the loneliness has come to a point that it’s chocking. Patience is ready to left and I’m running out of excuses to tell myself. I just fear that my sanity can’t hold it any longer. I fear the actions I will do after that will cause further damage. I fear a lot like the unknown.

Distractions are being clichés to me these days. It’s not working either. What’s left I guess is to take action but dunno where…

I let fate decide na lang coz crying and thinking make my head hurts.

Insert song ‘Broken’ by Lifehouse