Sober

Not drunk just sober and letting some feelings out for relief

You know how matter I try to look on some happy moments over a table with drinks with friends I still tend to be lonely. Lonely on some points that no matter what I do there will be no one there at home or a person which I can retell all the stories I did for the day; a person that will be willing to be with me no matter how I look or say during drunken moments. I guess alcohol sometimes makes you sad or emoish sort of way. It’s nice to have friends laughing over but there is always a time when all you need is a person that understands for you. Who is there existing and listens, no matter how bad or good you will sound after all that shittiness of the world.

sober makes you think harder sometimes
[image source]

So I guess the ‘Need You’ song by Lady Anteballum sorts of inserts here. That’s the reason why I don’t like the song since it only reminds me of that really there is somewhere in my mind that finds the YOU. The problem is where the hell is he? Finding the YOU part is so draining that I can’t stand it sometimes. Alone.

Hence my brain will answer again to the scenes with the gray man. It all started there, those fucking drinking moments that I just laughed about it these days. Too embarrassing to relay yet there where some things that I did miss. I miss the feeling I guess but there is nothing left anyway. I forced myself not to go back since it really hurt like hell, who would like to be hurt like that again? Correction I miss the feeling of the idea of having someone. That I can accept the fact that why I keep on returning on him even though on reality there are no chances of it to happen. Now I consider him not a friend or an enemy but someone that made a big impact without doing anything, no fuckin idea that somehow ruined my mind! Or maybe that I just wish there or is actually someone there. Why him? That I can’t still answer that fuckin question.

Insert ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles now I’m literally on the water works again typing this. I guess being sober makes you sad again…

Really I want to be out of this mess but the loneliness has come to a point that it’s chocking. Patience is ready to left and I’m running out of excuses to tell myself. I just fear that my sanity can’t hold it any longer. I fear the actions I will do after that will cause further damage. I fear a lot like the unknown.

Distractions are being clichés to me these days. It’s not working either. What’s left I guess is to take action but dunno where…

I let fate decide na lang coz crying and thinking make my head hurts.

Insert song ‘Broken’ by Lifehouse

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Ugly Love

Before I could scream all of my angst inside there are some major points I would like to clarify. I have never been in to a serious relationship so how do I know all these stuff? I guess people are so into that state that when it comes to failing or broken hearts, I’m just unluckily there… gathering all data er more like witnessing them that it comes in all forms. No I am not a love guru or an expert as the matter of fact, but I think the data I gathered are quite sufficiently enough for me to speak my mind off.

Its true being in love is one of the greatest thing that man will ever experience. At least you have the reason to look forward unto the day, or that someone would rescue you from all you woes or having someone who just loves every bit and piece of you including your teeth.

One aspect I can see clearly is that there are no permanent happy endings. When we were young, tv has probably feeding us inputs that are more on the positive sides of life. Yeah there’s like a little part when the evil triumphs but hey! Who wants evil to win in a movie right?? Luckily, life has its little secrets to feed us (reality) and it goes by with us. More like wheels, going up and down, up and down again… that stuff… thus divorce was born! People just easily get married and if happy ending runs out pooof! Lawyers and papers kicks in. I don’t get it; marriage is like a really big step and here we are in this world practicing man and woman to be easily divided just by signing some papers. Mind you only the lawyers gain all the profit…

Torn apart by sailor-midnightstar

One funny data I also see is that people all get really really crazy when it comes the love agenda. Either way, all I could say is plain over reacting. One situation is even if the couple are still together likely one partner would pull something pathetic which maybe kinda weird more likely creepy hahaha, fine fine the partner is just being sweet right? Really there are just some people that just takes over the lives of one’s partner… more like the boss or like the master puppeteer… females usually do this controlling their partner’s movements, kinda sucks for being in his shoes don’t you think? I mean give the guy his privacy, because too much isn’t healthy. Plus trust him, he’ll come back to you like a lost puppy for sure. (unless your putting him too much trust, that he’s cheating on you tsk tsk tsk) like what my cousins say, respect and communication should be there… (this part here was all their idea hehehe)

As for the other aspect, hitting splits Ville. All I could think about this one is the inner wildness in us more like the inner jealousy in us just takes over all our existence. Its like your partner just hit you really good and the wake up call comes in different things: revenge, remorse or killing thyself. It’s still ugly…

Next would be the sex thing. Every guy just wanna get laid. Usually they prefer doing it being the first one to a gal, I dunno maybe it’s like a male dominance thing. Since mostly I’m surrounded with overflowing testosterones in my family, this topic has been more like a common conversation. Believe me, it was weird at first but then those guys did teach me something… yes I’m a girl but just because I see a naked photo of I guy that doesn’t mean I’m hitting trough orgasm… I guess girls are hard to please hahaha

Trapped by Love? by LordMishkin

The only nuisance about girls is that doing it first to a guy and then when they broke up, the girl just go berserk and all. Yes we live in a conservative country, and that virginity is sacred to us but why go nuts? I’m not blaming them for anything but 75% of it belonged to them since they let their man do it. But because the guy loves you and all still it’s your responsibility, only girls have the rights to be in that position or not. (except for rape) Personally, I guess its ok to be devirginize now a days and mostly people see it as part of society; slowly accepting though… but just remember the balance beam, cause the risk factors are quite huge compared to 10-15 minutes of pleasure. And oh practice it safely too.

So far, those are my data that are clearly to see. Hmmm there are other aspects too, like the age gap, mistresses, unrequited love and cheating. Mostly these are depict on movies... Love just not all sunny days you know...

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