Ironic by Alanis Morissette
life is ironic for me... facing the pressure of nursing, having nightmares of him again, feelings of unwantedness seeps through me again, and the need to escape, a really good one that even my parents can't stop me..
academics have never been a problem to me yet but i guess since everyone is totally into graduating, i have no choice but well to follow the road to careerhood. Is there an escape route for this system? or shortcut perhaps.. some other schools offer the course 2 years, i still find them "lack" of enough knowlege, attitude and skills in handling patients. Not in a sense that i'm bragging the universuty i go into but its just that the course is kinda pain in the ass to see... like its a new trend, and i hate it that way... there just taking or granted and when you graduate most of the patients don't trust you and some doctors are so pain in the ass becuase they wanted the "care" to be their own way, where's our freedom to that? Yet i have no choice but to allow myself be in that trend of wearing white caps armed with a stethoscope, syringe, whoop-ass nursing care plans and colorul pens.. wait the colorul pens are great hahah like being in art shcool..
i never usually remember my dreams, like i sleep with blackness... i can't have a decent sleep or 2 days already. Besides that i'm in night mode this week, i guess my so called nigtmares are oozing up, those dreams are never good.. hmm one dream i rememebrred was that i receieved a wedding invitation with he and his current gf's names on it. another one was that i was a staff nurse to a hospital and that i was the one taking care of his child but i wasn't sure who the mother was... talk about weirdness sheeesh... i guess my subconscious is so despearte as my conscious brain to tell me that i'm not over pa... waaaah hate to admit..you think i'm like a person with a obsession but when i wake up i felt nothing except for weirdness and sudden hunger for food. When my consious mind takes in, nothing it felt nothing no irritation, aches, pain...
Diary by Bread
this song was well caught my attention to the first verses of the song... if you have time try to check it. if you know the song then well that good... i mean the song was playing on the US chart or billboard countdown even before i was born! its just hit me so hard... i mean the song goes when the guy she was so inlove with before read her diary which was aged years ago. just to think that the guy reading it had no idea what she felt for him and that he was totally blind.... its old but so soothing... The girl in the song was sort of like me, writing stuff to a person but then again ended up trying to supress her feelings and well acting that she doesn'tcare so much on the current situation hahhaa...this is so cheesy but i guess i'm willing to risk it... what would it feel like if he reads one my poems or blogs about him? or figured out that the "you" i always prefer to my poems is him... if he does read them i wish i would be like a thousand miles away.... but in the song guess what.. the guy kinda regreted and wishes to be with her...ironic isn't it? just becuase he found out that, he then realized it... does this stuff happen in reality?
Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
this song kinda reminds me how hard i'v been through this month... yet i'm still alive hahhaha like in the song i want to be in a fast car, riding through away from everything, escaping through all the pain i felt, the feelings of alone and the chaos my life is into.. i just want to breathe some fresh air yet when i tried to, all i could breathe was nothing but a foul air full of problems.... hmm maybe i should get my own car hehe and drive like hell where ever i wanted to... i think i should include it to my list beore i become extinct... rushing air and adrenaline could be my cooling effects also
Love song for No one by John Mayer
the title tells it all...i'm tired of waiting i guess... not finding a girl-guy realtionship but someone in the oppoosite sex that i could tell anything... back in high school my non-biological brother was the one but he's busy already.. i just need someone to talk to endlessly during nights, talking nonsesnse, eating all the food and i dunno be two places at once?!nyahahaha (sounds familiar?) seriously in short i'm just tired of being alone whoever i'm waiting for and i just have the eerie feeling of unwantedness, maybe this is karma? since i ditched someone before also? shoot i guess karma is true ... i think i wrote something also to this blog about that person... hmmm can't be sure though
guess i'm driven by songs, well mostly of them are now becoming my personal favorites, the playlist i have to this blog also has a big impact to me aslo... breakeven by the script well kinda helped me find a solution to my ways to stop thinking about him... haiz all becuase of my ideas and assumptions that i'm writing with my hands again and even he has no idea what i'm writing... guess that is ironic
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everythings okay and everythings going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everythings gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face"
- ironic, alanis morissette
nice one///
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