Sober

Not drunk just sober and letting some feelings out for relief

You know how matter I try to look on some happy moments over a table with drinks with friends I still tend to be lonely. Lonely on some points that no matter what I do there will be no one there at home or a person which I can retell all the stories I did for the day; a person that will be willing to be with me no matter how I look or say during drunken moments. I guess alcohol sometimes makes you sad or emoish sort of way. It’s nice to have friends laughing over but there is always a time when all you need is a person that understands for you. Who is there existing and listens, no matter how bad or good you will sound after all that shittiness of the world.

sober makes you think harder sometimes
[image source]

So I guess the ‘Need You’ song by Lady Anteballum sorts of inserts here. That’s the reason why I don’t like the song since it only reminds me of that really there is somewhere in my mind that finds the YOU. The problem is where the hell is he? Finding the YOU part is so draining that I can’t stand it sometimes. Alone.

Hence my brain will answer again to the scenes with the gray man. It all started there, those fucking drinking moments that I just laughed about it these days. Too embarrassing to relay yet there where some things that I did miss. I miss the feeling I guess but there is nothing left anyway. I forced myself not to go back since it really hurt like hell, who would like to be hurt like that again? Correction I miss the feeling of the idea of having someone. That I can accept the fact that why I keep on returning on him even though on reality there are no chances of it to happen. Now I consider him not a friend or an enemy but someone that made a big impact without doing anything, no fuckin idea that somehow ruined my mind! Or maybe that I just wish there or is actually someone there. Why him? That I can’t still answer that fuckin question.

Insert ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles now I’m literally on the water works again typing this. I guess being sober makes you sad again…

Really I want to be out of this mess but the loneliness has come to a point that it’s chocking. Patience is ready to left and I’m running out of excuses to tell myself. I just fear that my sanity can’t hold it any longer. I fear the actions I will do after that will cause further damage. I fear a lot like the unknown.

Distractions are being clichés to me these days. It’s not working either. What’s left I guess is to take action but dunno where…

I let fate decide na lang coz crying and thinking make my head hurts.

Insert song ‘Broken’ by Lifehouse

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Top 10 Fictional Men I love to have a date this Vday

So the title said it all… even I have a little break to spare this entry… Been dying to post it though since I can’t quite know where to insert this but this month is perfect!

Have you ever wonder what would be like to date some of those fictional caharacters on tv? If the world of reality and fantasy collides one day and be stuck with ten awesome guys, I'll be sure its a day fulfilled! Hahaha anyways we all go trhough some phase and well kinda like to share this since the countdown to Vday is on...


10. Lex Luthor
I will have to suggest the younger Lex, the one who met with the high school Clark Kent. I am a sucker of the shaved head with a suit look. Plus the guy wasn't bad with Superman at first, just some ill fated woman who just broke those two men up. Yet again a night with this guy will be wonderful...

Micheal Rosenbaum as the young Lex, he's a perfect young version of him

9. Noah Puckerman
He maybe in high school but this guy knows his moves with a guitar and mic. Not a fan to bad boy image but his frankness to being Jew and his talent made me realize he's not a douche after all. A night with this guy would be interesting and fun!

Mark Salling gives Noah a fresh yet fierce face

8. Landon Carter
Honestly Shane West did a tremendous job on playing this role. You should never judge by the way they look, but this guy has a positive outlook in life. Instead of mopping around for a dead girl, he lives his life... Kinda touching so yeah having a date with him makes it not hard to like him on first impression.

Landon Carter from A Walk to Remember movie

7. Chuck Bass
The notorious man from the Upper East Side. He knows his ways to the ladies plus those first class dates. Sticking a night with him will be living in luxury then.

Ed Westwick as the dashing Chuck

6.Tsukasa Domyouji
Another luxurious man but with a heart. He is like this little boy who needs someone to talk to with sense. He may have riches but his heart is purer. There is something in Tsukasa that have drawn me to know him better but hey his fictional though.

Jun Matsumoto to me is the perfect Tsukasa

5. Ted Mosby
The architect who believes in true love. His hair is so scruffy though but his ways of words is not bad as well. Other stuff I find fascinating about this man is that he has good buddies to stick with him through thick and thin. And the endless opinions about life in general would be a perfect conversations booster.

the scruffy Ted played by Josh Radnor

4. Barney Stinson
He looks awesome in a suit! I have to agree his ways are incredibly ridiculous but when it comes to dealing with the heart, he quiets it down and his action speaks louder. Yes he may be a douche but again the suits speak for themselves hahahaha. A night with Barney would be awesome!

Neil Patrick Harris never fails to amuse me as Barney

3. Fitzwilliam Darcy
My classical version of the perfect gentleman. He may be arrogant and proud to see but he knows his mistakes and easily replaces them. A night with this guy may be interesting along with some horseback riding and fencing... :D

to me Mathew Macfadyen resembles Mr. Darcy more

2. Kang Hyun Su
At first, I wasn't that falling hard for him coz to me he was this nerd who can't stand for himself and a mama's boy. But the guy knows how to take care of a woman, knows how to stand i nhis own grounds, values family and is your nice guy next door. Plus kinda sweet too.

Jung Kyung Ho delivered Hyun Su in awesome style

1. Salvatore Brothers
Both are vampires with killer looks and smexy attitudes that even I can't choose between them! That Elena is sure one lucky girl. Stefan is a younger yet pure heart kind of guy while Damon is more of a guy with a reputation of danger but exciting. I don’t know it is a confusing state to pick which one though. A night with these guys would be a feast!

the infamous Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and Stefan (Paul Wesley) Salvatore

All I care these guys are so good to be real. I dunno actually but still finding a guy with somehow similar trends would be nice. A real person is a winning part to all of this though.

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Sleep Protector

“Dream catchers are one of the most fascinating traditions of Native Americans. The traditional dream catcher was intended to protect the sleeping individual from negative dreams, while letting positive dreams through. The positive dreams would slip through the hole in the center of the dream catcher, and glide down the feathers to the sleeping person below. The negative dreams would get caught up in the web, and expire when the first rays of the sun struck them.

The dream catcher has been a part of Native American culture for generations. One element of Native American dream catcher relates to the tradition of the hoop. Some Native Americans of North America held the hoop in the highest esteem, because it symbolized strength and unity. Many symbols started around the hoop, and one of these symbols is the dream catcher.” as stated at http://www.dream-catchers.org/

my old dream catcher hanging freely above my bed

For years I have some bizarre dreams to put at. Both good and bad, indeed they have intended to remind me of the things I need to do, to know and to avoid. I never believed in such legends or origins since I believe in seeing the living matter. Nonetheless my country consists of countless legends that it enlightens my humor.

My manoy gave me the dream catcher I have now. It’s been years since then and it’s kinda dusty too. It was a Christmas /Graduation gift and I had nothing to give back. I really suck on giving gift ideas. If I can remember correctly it was the first nicest thing my manoy gave me except for those annoying antics. Anyway he said it will be helpful in my sleep since it preserves good dreams. Indeed it did.

When I moved to Cebu for college, the dream catcher was a big help. It was where I intended to aim high in life; even though my career path was kinda murky back then. I usually end up alone on my room and sleep a lot. Even during breaks, I would rush to my room and sleep but later some people crash to join my sleeping routine.

It also gave me some visions of unwanted and wanted reality. Painful? Yes. I think too much for myself that I get to the point of paranoia. Paranoid that the actions I take will end up in regrets. Some did end up in regrets, others were a chance of expression and some where blessings in disguise.

Amazing how dreams talk to the dreamer. Is it the unconscious mind? Or some defense mechanism?

Yet my unconscious and conscious minds are like opposites. Fickle minded I guess…

Like it's history, the dream catcher allowed me to dream such goals and visions I wanted. Mostly though I usually remember the bizarre ones but I’m pretty sure I have good ones. Still there are some which I name it bad dreams. It’s not a sign or something. I was wishing for the forces to do something good to me but it backfired. It made me realize that if you want something or someone as bad you have to go through a cycle. A cycle where in the forces will guide you which paths to take. It may be hard and long but at the end of the cycle, the thing or person you wanted so much will show up… unexpectedly. It’s up to the Creator I guess.

The reason why this dream catcher exists is to guide the people. Guide as in life what paths to take, the answers to the questions that mumble our minds and to know the reason for existing. I don’t know if it has this magic key to the future but there’s nothing wrong in dreaming a little.

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Imperfect

Sick of hearing it!
Sick of hearing how fat I am. I get it, I’m big so what? It’s not the end of the world!

what the fucking problem of being fat?! [source]

It’s not your problem why I’m like this…

It’s not your problem why I don’t have a boyfriend…

It’s not your problem why if ever I’ll be dead due to diabetes, heart attack or sort of disease that’s gonna clog up my veins or arteries…

It’s just that I’m sick… completely pissed of hearing these words over and over again for the past years. Since then I just laugh about it, but my bucket of smiles are empty… running out of any patience that I need to wipe out someone…

It’s not your problem that I like eating...

It’s not your problem that I like food so much especially sweets...

It’s not your problem that I usually munch on things when studying...

It’s not your problem that my stomach screams for food once in a while...

Is there any place for some weight on? Is there any problem if I gain a few pounds? So what if I have problems of being overweight now? I get it you don’t have to drill my skull to get to the point.

I’m proud of having this, it’s me, it’s not some crazy person who wants to look good that she ends up starving to death, or have severe stage of ulcers or worse using money just to pamper one self or just to get attention to everyone. That’s plainly aesthetic! I use my brain wisely, I don’t make decisions base on what others tell you too. I don’t give in to their demands and that you should be thankful that I have the thing to control everything I am since I know my limits.

That’s what I hate about society, making up what’s normal! Just because all you see are thin people, I am an eyesore then…

people tend to see what's outside, idiots! [source]

People are different, I have my own uniqueness. Good thing I don’t do drugs just to loose weight. See those actress on tv? Mostly the faces are fake anyway that I don’t know what’s real to them.

I do eat a balance diet, but still girls have these excess package that its kinda hard to pull it off. Exercise? Well I did but since you want to focus my attention to studying that I clearly stop going to the gym and concentrating on sitting. If only I could drill these words to your skull too.

I can handle this, since I am like this since before. I hate it even typing these words makes me want to literally punch you on the face even if we are related.

Imperfect! Plus I don’t want to be controlled. All I want you to do is just relax and let me handle this. Maybe I should use those drugs just to shut the hell out of you.

My posts are becoming lame I know but it’s my medium of release for me

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2 decades and 2 years

I am officially another notch away from my teen years. Really I guess the teen years would be my most memorable ones yet. Never had any ideas on how I handled those dramas, laughs and pains by being me. Everyone has a different version of themselves.

wish I had my actual birthday cake on that day

After 2 decades and 2 years in the business of my life, I only noticed slow changes though. Physically I am the same as ten years ago, mentally I have been a slacker to my own thinking, spiritually low in my practices but have strong faith on the Lord, socially has increased skills in dealing with strangers, and emotionally stable as of now that is. Really I should thank myself for that I have become a person that my parents aren’t a shame of. I do have some secrets that they have no idea with. And yeah I’m still chained to them like a goat, financially.

spending Eat All You Can at Zao, Guadalupe

My parents were kinda generous on my natal day. They had given me a little money to spend on my own. So I decided to treat with my most lovable there is in the mortal world; food. Food has never disappointed me. My cousins thought about the idea so I spend a thousand on that one. Only half a thousand left. That was suppose to be my gift like some pair of shoes perhaps yet the day dragged me on spending it with high school friends. Quite ironic, my original close friends in high school aren’t there anymore but still we do have communication. I kinda want to spend my day again with them if I’m to be honest. Yet time let me introduce more on some of my classmates that ended up having to be with them. These guys are quite ok but nothing can replace the closest ones before. Good for them that they were allowed to be in Cebu just to unwind from work, no way in hell am I allowed that kind of unwinding. So there I have no money left for me and they were kinda eager on having this small time reunion, so I wasn’t regretting it.

at Brew's Point and Diva Karaoke

On the same day, bad news went around with my roommates. My cousin got her phone stolen on the jeepney. I was having a hard time mentally accepting it since the moment she told me through a call I thought she was laughing. Yeah I was a meany but really I don’t know how to handle some situations like that, hate being the eldest though. The shit part would be a pain for her. Telling her mom wasn’t an easy task since they have their own issues too. Really I want to butt in and defend on her since her mom is pressing her too hard. Seeing her talking to her mom on the phone and then hang up is kind of a way that she’s punishing her child unfairly. Hearing stuff that she would be transferred to another school or returning home because she broke her trust. I don’t get it, she should be thankful that her daughter is ok. Just for one lousy accident, she said some things about that. Really my cousin is not even like me, the one who tells lies on my parents sometimes just to get on my way! She’s a better child with that. I have no idea how my grandmother raised her children but that is just plain awful. Her mom should consider that her child is on the process of learning like that. Yes these words are one sided and I have no idea on what the other party have reasons with. I just want to defend a person who is not guilty about. Plus her mom and my dad are somehow similar but my mom is the one who balances stuff like that on the four of us.

My day turned out fun and with a lesson. Clearly I have 2 pending events that I should spend with people I love. The financial problem would be a pain but it would be worth it.

One thing that amused me earlier on my birthday was that someone greeted me unexpectedly. For years he never greeted me and that goes for me to him as well. It’s no biggy but kinda surprising.

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My Hall of Famers (top 5)

To continue this so called post, I still have another back up lists to make these at the top. Literally my head was so confused but then again I love these guys ^^

5th Steven Strait

He will always be my Jacob Black. While reading the twilight series, Stephanie mentioned on her site bout his view on a real Jacob and she picked this guy. Really this guy is totally gorgeous with just two years above my age. He knows how to sing too which is a plus point! Found his singing during Undiscovered movie. He was with the movie Sky High too playing the villain turned good guy. The Covenant must have been my favorite movie of him. Everything of him was perfect even Chace Crawford was out of the picture. The only sour part is that he’s married already to Lynn Collins. I just found out that the girl is seven years older too. I know age doesn’t matter but he married too soon. And yeah Lynn Collins is one very attractive woman.

4th Mizushima Hiro

Got to be my favorite dorky Japanese actor, Hiro got me really hook up after seeing him in Hana Kimi. He can act cool, be dorky and show you every character. Together with Toma, he is one of my faves Japanese actors. First saw him on one of those Mask Rider Hibiki episodes. He was serious there, doesn’t even smile! Absolute Boyfriend was the next series I saw him on hmmm it was ok. When Hana Kimi arrived there his other side was flourished. Tokyo Dogs was hilarious as well but I prefer seeing him with Toma or Matsumoto Jun on Gokusen. As for other dramas, there are lots but I didn’t get to check it right away. Like Mei Chan’s Butler for example, I don’t agree on the leading girl there. Any ways in reality, Hiro is already married to singer Ayaka last year.

3rd Ikuta Toma

I really seriously love this guy plus an excellent actor as well. More like a Topher Grace kind of guy but to the more extreme. He never fails to make me smile or cry. Really I thought this guy wouldn’t get any better roles since before he always gets the second ones, but now. Leads! Plus the three movies this year are amazing and in different genres: suspense, drama and comedy. I can’t wait to see this guy more in the future. He also do theater and knows to sing too. Well all I can say is that Tomas is one crazy dude but I love every bit of him! I almost forgot, my fave thing about Toma was when he had his monologues on Hana Kimi. Pure comedy and cute!

2nd Cho Kyuhyun

Clearly I adore this person. I can’t stop even tweeting about him hahaha. Thanks to Super Junior about presenting a person that makes me smile like an idiot whenever I see him perform. He caught my attention because of his cool voice, cool in a sense that it’s not harsh more like calm and peaceful. To add more points, he really resembles one of my crushes before in school especially on the Sorry, Sorry music video. By that reason, i guess it’s safe to say than I am an ELF: Kyuhyun Biased to be specific. The good side of this guy is that he’s like the youngest and we’re at the same age. He’s tall and that I can find him funny since he always pulls pranks. His voice is really amazing and that I respect him. He doesn’t like to be really on center of attention among the group that’s why I like to know him even better. Badly I want to see this person on the flesh but that would have to be money suicide. As for now, I could only dream again and again that he is singing to me, ahh.

1st Lee Dong Wook

He’s been top of my list ever since first year college. To me he is the most gorgeous male being I ever seen, I repeat the most gorgeous being! Too bad that he is currently again in Civil service duty and ends next year. Everything about him I guess is perfect. Physically yes! Hahahahah dunno the attitude though but it seems when it comes to his personal life, he keeps it on a low profile. Anyway I already took notice of him in the drama Precious Family, my roommate was a Korean Drama addict back then. He was the lad with spiky hair who has difficulty to deal with parents and he has a combination of ok and sour. He bloomed dramatically when I saw him on My Girl. He was composed and yet when he cried it hit me with an upset stomach too. He cries beautifully I swear! Ok maybe that part is weird but non the less he is still the number one person dying to meet with. Here is a video where he left a message to his fans last year, sorry i really lost the subs somewhere. He was mentioning about not getting sick during winter becuase it was December and that thanking all that has supported especially on his morning radio show with Lee Junki who is currently on the Civil Service too. (website)

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My Hall of Famers

This would be a little present to me for my birthday. Really it took me a while to make a post about my lovely oppas in the whole world! Seriously if guys have their dream girls, we ladies also have ours right… I usually don’t do this normally but I have nothing to offer to myself. Besides my other 4th wish will be granted, i still have my own list… list of mortals that are equally talented, cool and gorgeous!


Never thought compiling a list would be really hard! Took me like 3 days just to complete top ten I guess there are a lots I mean lots out there that I haven’t discovered. In other words this would be a selfish post *evil grin*

10th Cam Gigandet


He was an odd one. Physically he is not what I’m looking for but his smile is a killer! First saw him on the movie Never Back Down. He played the bad guy Ryan on it. Personally I don’t like bad guys since I hate having to deal with extreme cockiness. He was awesome for a bad guy though. He also played James on the first Twilight movie, a bad guy again. He caught my attention when he played Mark on The Unborn. He hit me there, when he was acting this concern type of persona. Fine I’m a sucker for a guy who knows how to handle crisis. I was mad when his character died on that movie; he was so caring which is totally different to his previous roles. Anyways, in real life I guess his a good father to her daughter, not married though but he seems pretty happy with the family.

9th James Franco


This guy never fails to surprise me. Got to be the most awesome actor and writer I’ve set my eyes on. First saw him on the movie James Dean, where he literally made me believe he was James Dean. That movie was great also. I never thought that this guy was on to those late 90’s teen flick movies. Anyways, when he played the part of Harry Osborn in the Spiderman series, I was so delighted to see him there. He brought the character to life pretty well especially the portraying of being a best friend and an enemy at the same time. I fell in love with him more when he played Tristan in the movie Tristan and Isolde. It’s kinda tragic sort of Romeo and Juliet but the storyline is way better. The dilemma revolves around loyalty to your king vs the love of the maiden who has going to be your king’s wife. It almost made me cry when his character died at the end. The scenes he delivered where oh so sweet, wish I could be there in the flesh. What draws me more is there something that I want to explore the person within. Very flexible actor and he knows to change his accent from being British to Cowboy Americans.

8th Jo Hyun Jae


The first Korean to top my list! Got a first glimpse on Hyun Jae at the series Only You where he played as lead. Really bothered by his hair and all on that but slowly watching on the series made me realize what a gentleman he is. Plus this guy can sing amazingly. I don’t know for sure if he had any albums or any records. When he guessed in a Korean show, there I discovered his talent. Not bad though. Mostly he stars on tear jerker dramas. Plus he seems calm, composed and chill when it comes to interviews. Three Dads and One Mom was the last series I saw him on. He played this thrifty accountant but then again his smile is a killer also. Currently he’s attending his civil services in Korea, more like this year would be his last… that way I can see him again on some series. I still have to check him up on his movies too.

7th Lee Donghae and Topher Grace

I can’t decide which is which but then these two must be part of this list. Blame it on Koreans for invading this country hahahaha. Anyways, Topher Grace has been my ideal kind of guy before. Love him on the 70’s show where he play the witty Eric. He also played opposite Kate Bosworth on Win a Date with Tod Hamilton. That movie would be where I find him adorable! For a not so tall man, he really knows how to act from drama to comedy and from being a softie to a bad guy in Spider man 3. Brilliant would the word I like to describe this guy. The movie In Good Company made me realize that he can be a great leading man; not that buff type but the one who thinks before he acts type of guy. In the movie Valentine’s Day, I secretly have a wish that if only he and Anne Hathaway could be together in real life!

Lee Donghae is part of male Korean group Super Junior. First I find this guy weird. Yet his weirdest drawn me to take a closer look. Not only talented, this guy has a really big heart and respect to his parents especially he’s dad. He is really good in dancing and is not afraid to try new stuff. He is also very dedicated and adventurous like me. And Of course with that grin of his which is so adorable with any hairstyle.

6th Jo Insung and Chris Evans

Chris Evans would be my version of the boy next door kind of a guy. He’s cool, got cute set of dimples and that stare of his. I will never forget the way he looked on Not Another Teen Movie on the last episode. He may play as a jock there but he was so cute on that. Anyways, he matured and well turned out to have those swavee type of guy like when he played the Human Torch on Fantastic Four. He is one of those American actors I find really cute. On top of that he will play as Captain America on one of Marvel’s comics. I just hope he won’t screw that one since I’m a big fan of the Marvel (sorry DC).


Jo Insung has got to have the brightest smile with his eyes smiling too. I have a post before featuring him in a sweet shop. First sight on this guy was on the Memories of Bali. He played a douche bag character but then has its gentleness to the one he loves. When he uses that shy type of his character, it is so irresistible. The one he played from the movie Classic was good too. Really this guy cries a lot! And who could forget his love scenes from Frozen Flower. Oh lalala I don’t mind being rape by him hahahah. As for now, he is on civil services duty in Korea. I think his term will end next year not sure though, but one thing I would love to ask is how he keeps his skin so smooth and a little smack on of those gorgeous lips. ^^

To Be Continued...

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Busted

Typically I got busted…again

found out again yet i didn't take back anything
image by marypops

Come to think of it, I got caught writing something bad to a person twice. First one was in first year college and the second was lately a week ago.

As for the first incident, my anger led me to write down unto a blog using one of those social sites, Friendster. I guess it was public at that time and I have no idea of it to be easily read by my friends on the site. Naïve. I’m looking for a tool actually that I can use to export those blogs here but nothing worked so far. I completely forgot on why on earth I was writing it, all I could remember is that my head was not in a good mood plus usually my only way of handling stress is through writing. I’m not a writer or anything but I find it an easy medium to release it more like sublimation, rather than using displacement or projection. So back to the first discovery, yeah those two literally read it and were sorry. I can still remember the reactions on their faces I guess I was hinting too much on the blog since they got it so easily. I’m a person who likes to use descriptions rather than names… confidentiality bases? Yeah I guess so but I usually don’t find totality hatred on the person, only the actions which are irritating. I suck on holding grudges for so long. Good thing people moved on plus still we have these ok relationships with those two. It wasn’t so bad and both of us learned from it too.

As for the second discovery, it was the frenemy; the same person who I used to describe last post. Well to my dismay, she found out about this blog. As for me I was shocked as hell. While waiting for the time to watch the Eclipse movie, she sent me a sms. I didn’t bother to open at first since I was kinda busy. Next thing I know, I was cursing at the top of my lungs with the twins laughing at me. I even texted my cousin, Lara and Carmi bout it but they just laughed about it too. Yes I freaked out since I know the exact words I used. Reality hit me; it was a good thing actually. At least now, she knows something about it, she’s aware about it. Why didn’t I tell her personally? I’m a person that doesn’t like unpleasant encounters. Plus my encounter was for a short term, wasn’t having any plans to stick around with her. It’s not like that I’m using her, the longer I stick with her the easily get annoyed on everything she does. It’s bothersome but maybe I was being annoying. It’s kinda hard to explain but I guess there are some people who befriend you are better seeing through only few times, not 24/7. It’s her beliefs what maker me irritated sometimes. Her principles maybe are not the things I believe but there is nothing I can do, I can’t force to change her if that are the things which make her what she is.

confused if what she's saying where true or not
image by sage18

How did she found out? Simple! Through my ym account. Not ready to showcase this blog to the friends I have since I’ll be killed for sure. Paranoid is one thing I am. Although I have some followers to this blog, I find it ok because only a few people know my schemes. I also trust them on reading about these schemes. I forgot that I wired my blog to my ym before when I was in high school. Busted totally.

So how things between her? Still friends but some changes. I guess she had it pretty bad since she doesn’t come to any of the review classes with me. We still have communication but I was the one at fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I apologized of course but she was the one who spaced away, my instincts are telling me she’s searching for another ally with this exam. Funny thing is that a very reliable source told me some view points about her and it’s the same as what I experienced. No wonder she’s like that now.

If she finds out this post again, I congratulate her. Oh yeah sorry again for calling her frenemy. I thought about changing this site address but found it would be useless. I don’t know also if you find this post or any of my previous posts being a meany but clearly that is what I feel writing about stuffs. Like I said, this is my sublimation, a coping that I found useful and harmless.

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Small Pleasures

Feeling crappy upon waking up, my mind was stuck on a constant thing. stuck. I guess that word would eventually be my partner in crime for the following weeks or maybe months! The horror!

a nice hug from ipin to lambo

My fingers were my saviors for the day typing random stuff on google and yahoo. So this was the result of using your instinct for a change.

Small pleasures while not spending money! what a relief!! ^___^ (original article here) you gotta appreciate the little things which is so true; the bold ones are my usual reasons to smile

1. coloring (yes, grown-ups can do it, too)
2. crisp cotton sheets
3. soft skin
4. old family recipes
5. the first daffodils of spring
6. sleeping in
7. an exercise endorphin high
8. window boxes
9. a perfect cup of coffee
10. a genuine compliment (giving or receiving)
11. the way babies smell
12. a handwritten letter
13. waking up in a good mood...for no real reason
14. singing in the shower
15. finding a couple forgotten dollars in your pocket
16. doing something nice for your neighbor
17. a home cooked meal
18. laughing
19. movie theater popcorn
20. playing hookey
21. a bubble bath
22. swimming
23. an afternoon nap
24. street musicians
25. your favorite song
26. saying thank you
27. helping someone in need
28. old fashioned photo booths
29. fresh whipped cream
30. inspiring blogs
31. a glass of wine
32. rainy afternoons
33. the funny things kids say
34. a novel you can get lost in
35. finding the perfect piece of clothing...on sale
36. clean laundry
37. the wind in your hair
38. treating the person behind you at the drive-thru
39. sharing an umbrella
40. the smell of lavender
41. a long walk that clears your head
42. a bear hug
43. The Beatles
44. smiling at a stranger
45. eating with chopsticks (Chinese food optional)
46. butterflies
47. staying in your pj's all day
48. singing along to the radio and knowing all the words
49. fresh herbs
50. ordering in pizza
51. happy endings...even if they're fictional
52. flying a kite
53. puppies
54. root beer floats
55. holding open the door...
56. ...or having someone hold the door for you
57. fountain soda
58. white, fluffy towels
59. sunshine
60. spending an afternoon at a museum
61. really great advice
62. green lights all the way home
63. the sound of rain hitting the windows
64. sitting in a booth
65. holding hands
66. a great hair day with no effort
67. building a fort with your kids
68. when someone falls asleep with their head on your shoulder
69. fireflies
70. the perfect taco
71. geraniums on a windowsill
72. slow dancing
73. the smell of fresh-baked bread
74. cheesy, uplifting musicals
75. great stories
    
76. the smell of gasoline
77. the cold side of the pillow
78. love letters
79. old friends...
80. ...new friends
81. a pull-through parking space
82. a baguette -- crisp on the outside, airy on the inside
83. when a dog licks your hand
84. sitting at the counter at an old-fashioned diner
85. using your favorite dishes
86. reading your child a bedtime story
87. Girl Scout Cookies
88. flossing
89. kissing someone you love
90. the smell of onions and garlic cooking
91. hot chocolate
92. jumping in puddles
93. old photographs
    
94. birds hopping on the sidewalk
95. Ella Fitzgerald
96. a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar
97. your softest t-shirt
98. a new magazine in the mail
99. fireplaces
100. having exact change
101. bacon and pancakes cooking on Saturday morning

***image 1 by Chancake
***image 2 by Dmstei00
***image 3 by GreenifyME

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Compositions

I've been trying to search all my poems that i have published through the net. Its kinda scattered and i just wanted then filed enough...

It brings back some memories, both good and bad ones. It's like a relief for me too, dunno if I'm that good in making poems since I usually put it in words that are easily understood. Melodramatic then? nah just bored and my mind wanders a lot thus the title of this blog.

Frenemy

Like hammers that beat one tune
Haven’t seen such scary moon
Haziness what my eyes see
None compares your cruelty

You’re selfishness has succumb
Sanity barely hold womb
Like a child that is haughty
Fake smiles like from ebony

Bit of you my life to hate
Every time spend cannot take
Politeness what I’m accustom
Yet thoughts bring to your tomb

Actions failed deliver the truth
Still chained from the dying sooth
Dumb to understand my plee
Just one of your frenemy

This one was done yesterday, still confused on what to do with her... she's like impossible to deal with. Yes i tried to offer her opinions first but she has no direct intention to her actions on whatsoever. I always the one who end up with stupidity. She's still the same person on what my previous blogs that i complained about sheeesh! Plus she's so dependent with people around her and she's on her twentys already!

Tearful Rain

Can’t control of sluggish flow
Blaming gravity for the show
Yet coolness what I needed
For flushes that bleeded

Each drop is pain and relief
Wish to stop, early brief
No sheath nor shield can yield
Falling into empty field

Hands wet from rain and tears
Trying to master for years
Failure beckons until now
Simple solution to how

Curtains fall after drama
Going through all, I don’t wanna
Light has return not fully
Must return to my journey

I made this last year around june... those where the times when i was alone and have no idea on what to do with life. Maybe i was overwhelmed by the rain that day and it matched my mood so well. Yeah with the drama on board exams as well, I was a nervous wreck and had no idea if my life would be in the drains or up up there somewhere warm not wet.

Chances

You’re so far away to reach
Hands are short and numb
Calling your name but can’t reach
Insides feeling cold and dumb

Air is thin and I’m grasping
Searching your voice or face
Getting up but strength’s lacking
Keeping up with your pace

You wouldn’t turn to look at me
Not even a nod, stare or smile
Is there something I wrong to thee
Made me feel angry or even cry….

The chant we had has lost and missing
But I guess we’re done and through
Unlike before your eyes were twinkling
Warming and taking away my blues…

Feelings and still intact and true
Is moving on the right path?
Decided mind but heart confused
Asking for a second chance…

This was born due to my thoughts of having a lost lover. i guess i should write a story on something about that hahahahha no i'm not the star on that one rather another person that is opposite of me...but that would be another hard work *lazy* now that i mentioned the word lover, its kinda weird yet fun on pretending your thoughts to someone else. I guess this poem was a wish rather than calling.

Other compositions:

Afraid
A Must Have
Bitter Revenge
Phrases and Stanzas
Plain
Tempting Ice Cream
The Hermit
Your Somebody

I never thought I would have a handful already just so you know, this is due to boredom that I came out with these stuff.

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